I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
