I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
