you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
