Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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