end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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