Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
