Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
