Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
