Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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