so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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