I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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