he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
