so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am puke
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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