I heard we made out
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
