woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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