woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
