1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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