your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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