There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
