Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
