Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
