And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
