i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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