Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I currently don't understand fingers.
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