I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
