remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
