I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
