its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
