after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
