We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
