Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's the barista slut.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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