Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you will always have a special place in my vag
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
