I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
