my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
