Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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