and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
