who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Randomize
