Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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