i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
