My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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