I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
