you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
