I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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