you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
