Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
