my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
