I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
