In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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