but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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