Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
