Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
