i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
