somebody snuck up and got me drunk
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
