I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
