Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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